The Most Exciting Game of the NHL Season (so far)

Washington Capitals at Pittsburg Penguins, Monday, January 21, 2008

First period…
Pens go up 1-0 w/ a goal by Talbot from Staal and Christensen
Caps tie 1-1 w/ a falling-to-the-ice backhander by Flash from Gordo and Sasha
Caps go up 2-1 w/ a sweet re by Vikki from Ovie and Backstrom
Pens tie 2-2 w/ a sick “your defensive efforts are all in vain” backhander by Malkin from Malone

Second period…
Caps go up 3-2 w/ a flubber by Ovie from Flash and Backstrom
Pens tie 3-3 w/ a cannon blast from Malkin from Malone and Gonchar (hatred)
Pens go up 4-3 w/ a wide-open backdoor Sykora from Whitney and Gonchar (hatred)
Caps tie 4-4 w/ a fucking Ovie nuke from Backstrom and Jerky
Sabourin gets yanked, Conklin takes the net for Pitt

Third period…
Pens go up 5-4 when Malone finally shoots at the net from Gonchar (hatred) and Malkin
All of the Caps fans take a collective shit…
Caps tie 5-5 w/ Vikki stunning fans everywhere from Princess and Backstrom

Overtime…
Caps go down a man w/ Potty in the box for slashing – 4-on-3
Caps go down 2 men w/ Foreskin in the box for hooking – 5-on-3
Toofless Wonder (Quintin Laing) single-handedly thwarts all Penguins’ efforts at winning on OT

Shootout…
Pens: Miss, miss, goal by Ruutu (who should’ve gotten his ass beat at some point in the game)
Caps: Save, goal by Ovie, goal by Sasha to win the game

Caps take 2 points out of Pittsburg. Yay Caps!

Ovechkin and Malkin are motherfucking beasts! (to use the parlance of today’s youth)
Backstrom? A MOTHERFUCKING BEAST!
Laing? A valuable asset to the Washington Capitals organization. Also a beast of some sort.

Olaf Kolzig? Let in 5 goals on 15 shots. Do the math! You, sir, are no longer a motherfucking beast. You got the win… but at what cost to your pride? Do you have any left?

I honestly believe Gabby (Caps coach Bruce Boudreau) left Olie in net after such a consistently poor performance only to justify his future decision(s) to start Brent Johnson (who like the Caps team as a whole has been hot-shit) in net.

Also: Shame on you, Olie. Step up or reap what you sow. We will always love you… just stop making us sad. Or… y’know… don’t suck in net.

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