Now Go Home and Get your Fuckin’ Shinebox

Goodfellas. I just now finished shining two of Erin’s pairs of shoes. As with the art of ironing, I learned to shine at a young age. Shoes, that is.

Question: Who says having both parents in the military never benefitted a kid? All that moving around, all that domineering procedure, all that–what do you call it–structure? What kid needs that shit?

Answer: All those assholes in the world who have never employed sir or ma’am when addressing someone older than they are… who isn’t their boss, parent or other obviously-dominant person. These are the same people who think it’s okay for their children to address the parents’ contemporaries by first name alone. These are also people who possess inferior ironing and/or shoe-shining skills, gay men notwithstanding.

Think of all the money that could be saved if every shoe-lovin’ woman on the face of the earth knew how to shine her some shoes! Okay, back to reality… maybe she just needs a boyfriend or husband who’s got mad skills slappin’ down a solid shine.

If the shoes are still “in-fashion” (us guys will never know), but a little dull and beat up–and if we as men don’t ameliorate the situation posthaste–our ladies are gonna’ be out buying some new shit. Odds are: Her new pair of shoes costs more than 2 tickets to your local NHL team’s next game, 2 playstayshon or xbox360 games, or 4 cases of your favorite microbrew (ya’ fuckin’ snob).

If you don’t already know how: Learn to shine shoes, and do it well.

Not only will you save yourself some scratch, you’ll also ensure your woman looks mint. You get more hockey and/or video games and/or beers to boot. And because your lady will probably swoon at the “effort” you’ve invested in her…

You’ll get more pussy.

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2 thoughts on “Now Go Home and Get your Fuckin’ Shinebox

  1. Love me a good shoe shine as does the wife. The problem is I tend to shine all the shoes on one day therefore spend hours at the ‘box. I have yet to utilize the “drop off” service the shine guy on the corner offers but I think I will start. Problem is he will only do 4 pairs at a time.

  2. Preachin’ to the choir my man. I cannot STAND the way Amie irons. Not only is she sssssllllooooowwwwwww, but she does it wrong.

    And by wrong I mean “not the way we were taught.”
    And by wrong I mean “still wrinkly.”

    Hours spent ironing BDUs tends to hone the skills. She and I have reached a detente about the equally wrong way that she folds the laundry….. the horrendous sacrifices that I make for my marriage.

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