The full title of this post should be: “Things I Learned Today which are Probably Insignificant to the World as a Whole”, but that could pretty much sum up the existence of this ‘blog in toto, right? Keep reading, sheep.
1. My alma mater finally gets some street cred.
Two weeks ago, USF beat then-ranked-17 Auburn… at home… at night… not a trivial task if you look at the stats. Sure, it went to overtime, but if the placekicker hadn’t sucked galactic cock on the (overwhelming) majority of his field goal attempts, it never would have progressed to the second coin toss.
Come Monday, there was no love in the polls, but that wasn’t all that surprising. The Bulls beat #7 West Virginia last year, and beat #9 Louisville the year before that, which was their first in the Big East. Did they even get close to being a top-25 team after those upsets? Nope. It took a fucking bye week to get them on the polls.
At this point, it’s safe for me to say that USF fields the 2nd-best football team of all the colleges in Florida. Bowden lovers, put on your earmuffs because hell actually has frozen over, and you already know that’s your final destination (because of that deal Bobby made with Satan)… if you believe in god… or Satan.
2. I am still in (fairly) perfect health.
“Everything looks good. Quit smoking!” That’s what my M.D. had to say after a 60-minute spell in a frigid exam room wearing only a paper “gown”.
I’ve seen actual gowns on MTV super sweet sixteen or America’s next top model–or whatever crazy shit Erin decides to watch at times–and I can say with 100% certainty that what I was wearing did not qualify.
The fucking guy hoodwinked me into a full physical. I had zero indication that I would be there for anything other than a review of my blood/urine tests. You know what a full physical–the paper tunic aside–entails, right? It means an almost-complete-stranger fingered my balls. Like I said, it was frigid, so there wasn’t a whole lot of navigation involved… but he massaged my yam-bag. Sure, he was looking for any signs of testicular cancer, but I wasn’t emotionally prepared for a handling of that nature.
Anyway, I guess the upshot is: Despite my decadent behavior comprising drinking beers, smoking cigarettes, actively shirking exercise… all my numbers are within tolerance. I’m not overweight (according to him); I’m not diabetic; I’m not anemic; I don’t have high cholesterol (not even close, really); my liver’s still in good shape. I remain Fucking Superman.
3. Ministry released a new album.
I bought it today (along w/ new Himsa), and after listening to the first song, all I could think was: “What the fuck?!”. You’ll have to wait to find out if that’s a good thing or a bad thing; I have reviews of new DevilDriver and The Red Chord to finish in the meantime.