What’s that Smell?

Disclaimer: I whole-heartedly appreciate everything that Work does for me. That will never change. I love my job and (most of) the people I work with daily.

I’ve got friends coming in for the weekend, and they’re staying here. You know what that means… hardcore cleansing action. Cleansing, not just cleaning. At this very moment, you could eat an omelet off of any surface in my bathroom; that’s how cleansed it is.

So, today, I borrowed the red vacuum cleaner from work. As soon as I turned it on, I thought, “hrm… what’s that smell? Oh, fuck, it smells like dog shit!”

Now, you see, we have two-to-four dogs in the office on any given day… it’s not a stretch to assume that they’re going to take a shit inside every once in a while. Apparently, one of them did… recently. Somewhere in the subsequent cleaning-up process, somebody used the red vacuum cleaner.

“Oh, fuck, it smells like dog shit!” Did I stop? Fuck no… my place is small, so it took me less than ten minutes to vacuum, dog shit stench or not. Ten minutes isn’t long enough for the airborne dog shit stench molecules to embed themselves permanently anywhere.

Now, however, it’s a balmy 41 degrees outside, the windows are open, and all will be well. If not, “Sorry for the dog shit stench you guys… I hope it doesn’t keep you awake.”


3 thoughts on “What’s that Smell?

  1. You can’t eat an omlette anywhere in your apartment, because you don’t even own a toaster, much less the tools to prepare and then consume actual food.

  2. Note to Self: Bring Gary some vanilla candles (sure to mask dog shit smell)…. and not bad to cover up ciggy smoke, either.

  3. Gregg: True, I don’t even have a toaster… or a microwave… or an operational oven. But, just because you’re the motherfucking Iron Chef doesn’t mean you have free license to make assumptions. I own a pan in which to make an omelette (note proper spelling this time), the gas range is fully operational, and I own a cheese grater and even a spatula! You probably have three different styles of whisks, but I prefer the old school fork action. Then again, last time I tried to make breakfast, the smoke alarm went off and we had to open all the windows. Goddamned bacon.

    GG: No dog shit smell lingered at all (thank [whatever devine manifestation]). Plus, I never smoke inside. But thanks for thinking of me!

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