Our Company Rules

Not the precepts of working for [where I work]. I am unnecessarily extolling the virtues of said company… [where I work].

One of our main competitors, [main competitor], offers—what they call—a “competitive salary and benefits package” consisting of:

  • Matching “up to 3% of employee contribution” to a simple IRA… whereas [where I work] doesn’t require employee contribution, and funds our IRAs at, approx. 15% salary, if you’re not a complete waste of flesh.
  • 20 days of “personal time” after 10 years of employment… whereas [where I work] gives you 20 days of actual vacation your first year on-the-job. Been [where I work] for 3 years? You get 25 days of vacation. There’s more fun later, I’m sure, but I’ve only been there six years, so I don’t know. Oh, yeah… unlimited sick time that doesn’t cut into your vacation days… provided you don’t call out “sick” when you’re not actually sick. People like that are assholes.
  • Eight (8) paid holidays per year. We at [where I work] get six.

That [main competitor] is in a different job market, and is required to cater to the standard, market-based incentives prescribed therein. But, given that they’re accounting for the difference in cost-of-living with respect to base salary, don’t you think they’d offer an equivalent benefits package?

They don’t, and that’s why we rule.

Why wouldn’t you relocate from [where they are] to work for a successful company like ours? I did.

Oh, I almost forgot… our product kicks the shit out of theirs.

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