Things I Learned Today

The full title of this post should be: “Things I Learned Today which are Probably Insignificant to the World as a Whole”, but that could pretty much sum up the existence of this ‘blog in toto, right? Keep reading, sheep.

1. My alma mater finally gets some street cred.
Two weeks ago, USF beat then-ranked-17 Auburn… at home… at night… not a trivial task if you look at the stats. Sure, it went to overtime, but if the placekicker hadn’t sucked galactic cock on the (overwhelming) majority of his field goal attempts, it never would have progressed to the second coin toss.

Come Monday, there was no love in the polls, but that wasn’t all that surprising. The Bulls beat #7 West Virginia last year, and beat #9 Louisville the year before that, which was their first in the Big East. Did they even get close to being a top-25 team after those upsets? Nope. It took a fucking bye week to get them on the polls.

At this point, it’s safe for me to say that USF fields the 2nd-best football team of all the colleges in Florida. Bowden lovers, put on your earmuffs because hell actually has frozen over, and you already know that’s your final destination (because of that deal Bobby made with Satan)… if you believe in god… or Satan.

2. I am still in (fairly) perfect health.
“Everything looks good. Quit smoking!” That’s what my M.D. had to say after a 60-minute spell in a frigid exam room wearing only a paper “gown”.

I’ve seen actual gowns on MTV super sweet sixteen or America’s next top model–or whatever crazy shit Erin decides to watch at times–and I can say with 100% certainty that what I was wearing did not qualify.

The fucking guy hoodwinked me into a full physical. I had zero indication that I would be there for anything other than a review of my blood/urine tests. You know what a full physical–the paper tunic aside–entails, right? It means an almost-complete-stranger fingered my balls. Like I said, it was frigid, so there wasn’t a whole lot of navigation involved… but he massaged my yam-bag. Sure, he was looking for any signs of testicular cancer, but I wasn’t emotionally prepared for a handling of that nature.

Anyway, I guess the upshot is: Despite my decadent behavior comprising drinking beers, smoking cigarettes, actively shirking exercise… all my numbers are within tolerance. I’m not overweight (according to him); I’m not diabetic; I’m not anemic; I don’t have high cholesterol (not even close, really); my liver’s still in good shape. I remain Fucking Superman.

3. Ministry released a new album.
I bought it today (along w/ new Himsa), and after listening to the first song, all I could think was: “What the fuck?!”. You’ll have to wait to find out if that’s a good thing or a bad thing; I have reviews of new DevilDriver and The Red Chord to finish in the meantime.

Ask Me, Tell Me: Follow-up

My sister’s comment on my previous post asks:

Now I ask you, Biology Boy, if this is a biological adaptation of sorts or if this falls into the realm of some sort of cultural phenomena?

My attempt at an answer:

I think the only biological adaptation at play here is the evolution of a brain capable of higher thinking, but a brain which sets us up for both amazing successes and failures. On one hand, we can engineer fantastic tools to perform almost any given task. On the other, the capacity of the human brain to adapt to certain situations, adjust its owner’s behavior, and perceive its owner’s culturally-inflicted shortcomings introduces a vulnerability in humans not found in less advanced species.

That vulnerability is the target at which society and culture–perhaps unintentionally–attack, through negative external stimuli. The easy example is the growth in numbers of young girls with body dismorphia issues thanks to the ubiquity of fashion ads and commercials glamorizing skeletal-looking women.

Dogs don’t go on diets because other dogs think they look fat. Dogs are shameless, as evidenced by the frequency of leg humping in public. Their brains aren’t “smart” enough to do “dysfunction”.

So, I definitely think it’s a cultural phenomenon.

Back to humans, a person doesn’t feel like an asshole for saying something unless another person or collection of people reacts negatively to what they’ve said. It is only that external feedback that induces the speaker’s brain to adapt behavior to avoid that type of social embarrassment. Without input from others, he’s simply verbalizing a thought with no consequence.

Society conditions you not to say what you mean, and you ignore that tenet at your own peril. Say what you mean, and you risk insulting someone else and being labeled an insensitive prick… a fairly low score on the pariah scale, granted, but a outcast of sorts nonetheless.

So, that highly-evolved human brain invents ways to circumvent its owner’s deficiencies–be they real or imagined–which results in an ultimately farcical process of communication.

In the previous rant, there were two screwed up brains at work: his and mine.

As far as I can tell, his brain was working like this: “I think ABC is a waste of my time, so I want XYZ. But, I don’t want Gary to think that I’m lazy, so I must frame it differently, with the ultimate coup being my convincing him that it’s his own idea. Also, I don’t want to burst into Gary’s office and demand he implement my change, because then I’ll look like a jerk.” This results in the manipulation detailed in the previous post, which is neither explicitly nor inadvertently underhanded.

And my fucked up melon was working like this: “There are many good reasons ABC is done as it is. There had better be a good reason for XYZ to justify the amount of time I will have to work on it. I’m simply not hearing a valid argument for XYZ, yet he will not relent.” Lacking the ability to decipher his true motivation made me push back against his suggestions and arguments.

Were we both acting selfishly? Absolutely.

But my original point stands: Had he approached me about XYZ under the pretense of productivity, then he may have been lying, but at least he would have conveyed his goal in a straightforward manner… saving us both a lot of time.

Jesus Freaks in Lab Coats

From the New Yorker (via reddit): Why intelligent design isn’t. Choice cut:

As the years pass, intelligent design looks less and less like the science it claimed to be and more and more like an extended exercise in polemics.

Suck it.

One for the Science Geeks

Electron Band Structure In Germanium, My Ass [found at mefi] Ha!

Snippets of Science

As immaturity may be a result of certain chemical imbalances, here are a few interesting articles I stumbled upon within the last few days:

Kudzu is a non-native climbing weed that can grow up to 2-3 feet per day, and is considered a nuisance in southern U.S. climates where it grows most pervasively. Yet, it might get your kid off the bottle.

Now that you’ve overcome your child’s burgeoning alcoholism, you may want to get the little fucker vaccinated against nicotine.

Nice work, responsible parent!

Now… don’t over-do it with commercially famous antibacterial this-and-that bullshit. Germs are good to a certain extent, because they build up the immune system. Overuse of antibiotics and other scaredy-cat salves only serves to breed resistant strains of li’l invisible buggy-boos that will… hrm… probably kill you.

Unless, of course, you have some SuperWater under the sink next to the extra rolls of toilet paper.

Salon’s Richard Dawkins Interview

Richard Dawkins is, “… the world’s most famous out-of-the-closet living atheist. He is also the world’s most controversial evolutionary biologist.” Read the article here. (go through the pain to get the one-day pass… I did)

I was planning on posting “choice quotes” from the interview, but then I realized I’d have to duplicate the whole damned thing.

I Hate Mornings

… and this article might explain why.

Then again, I’m a lazy bastard in the morning… so that might explain why.

Then again, I usually stay up later than necessary doing stupid shit like posting here… so that might explain why.

I vote for the first one. :)

Research: Part One

Foreword: I have a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology (pre-med/pre-dental) from the University of South Florida; Mrs. Hench’s embryology course was one of my favorites. That said, today’s Semi-Controversial BioBoy PresentationTM is brought to you by: Susan’s comment to my “Roe Roe Roe Yer Boat” post, and her afternoon berating at work today. Let’s go.

There’s a world of difference between those two things that we call “stem cell research” and “fetal tissue research”.

The most glaring difference is that stem cell research has absolutely nothing to do with the abortion issue.